Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Adventures of a Caffeinated Librarian
Odd day last Thursday:
I helped an older black lady (who may have actually been African American. It’s hard to tell; she didn’t say and I didn’t think to ask) find her grandfather or gr-grandfather in the Census Records on Ancestry.com. He was a former slave who was freed when he volunteered to fight for the South.
She was rather embarrassed to mention it, which I understand with the rampant PC-ness that severely needs quashing. It’s nothing to me, ‘cause the way I figure it there were a number of people who were against slavery that fought for the South but for states rights taking precedent over the slavery issue and a number of pro-slavery people that fought for the North because they thought the Fed should take precedent over the State. This was a fellow who saw fighting for the South as being his way out of slavery and I'm supposed to have a problem with that....
Is it better to do the right thing for the wrong reason or to be in the right while you’re doing wrong? Don’t ask me, I’m still digesting the fact that Wash is dead…..
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Then I lied to two itty-bitties while on the job.
I was helping a kiddie-garder find some horse stories while her younger sister tagged along. The smaller one kept looking at me and finally asked what was on my nose. I eventually figured out she meant the flesh-coloured mole next to my right nostril.
Without thinking about it, I said I was growing another nose.
4 big eyes asked why.
I had a friend who lost his nose in a bad accident and we were cloning another one. Once it gets big enough we're going to the hospital and he'll have an operation to attach it to his face.
What happened to your friend?
Well, there was this skunk involved and it smelt so bad that his nose exploded.
I then tried to let them know I was just storying, but after the older of the two said "That's good because lying is wrong", I'm not sure they understood.
And then they'll tell their folks and will be praised for their imagination....
And the kid's will be thinking "but the librarian said.....".
Destroying our future two children at a time, I am.
--------------------------------------------------------
Read a children’s bio on HA & Margret Rey (Curious George) @ lunch because it was there and an adult bio on the couple doesn’t seem to exist. Short version: they were German Jews who met in Brazil and escape from Paris just a day or two before the Nazis rolled in on bicycles that HA built!! George (under another name) was created before they bugged out, but I think his riding a bike was influenced by the escape. And on top of that, HA had a big yellow hat.
Nazis, hats, exotic locales, narrow escapes with manuscripts…. It was like Indiana Jones without the whip.
--------------------------------------------------------
One lady came up to check out a new edition of Dumbo on dvd, which I didn’t know was out, and I proceeded to spew nonsense:
What? Dumbo! I didn’t know this was out. I’m gonna have to pick this up. The missus is into the “girly” Disney films: Cinderella, Snow White and such, but give me a drunk elephant and a mouse in a tiny band marching band uniform and I’m happy.
--------------------------------------------------------
One of the librarians has vowed to kiss a pig if 3000 kids sign up for the summer reading program @ her branch. I’ve had way too many questions about this event:
How far in advance does one need to book a pig? You never know when there might be a sudden surge in pig rentals and you wouldn’t want to be left in the lurch.
How much does if cost to rent a pig? Is it by the hour or flat rate? Does it fluctuate with hog futures? Do you need to make a deposit? Take out insurance?
How does one locate pig rentals? They're not listed in the phone book. And how to check their references?
Do they have to be bonded or licensed? If so, is there a test, a study guide?
How often are the pigs checked for transmittable diseases?
Since there will also be a dunk tank at the event, would it better to get dunked before or after kissing said pig?
At what point does it change from good, old-fashioned pig-kissin' to bestiality? If the pig struggles (implying an unwillingness to be kissed)? If there's tongue involved? What if it was the pig's tongue? Could the pig then be charged? If the pig is under-aged, could pig-kissing be considered contributing to the delinquency of a minor?
And others I'm likely forgetting...
This day's question was:
Would it be a good idea to try to find some ham-flavored lipstick to make the pig more comfortable?
--------------------------------------------------------
Afterwards, I wondered aloud to Mrs. Sivana (after being somewhat chastised for lying about her Disney preferences in the impromptu Dumbo routine above) why, if we have jerked beef, we don’t have choked chicken? This devolved into an idea to open combo gas-station and fast food joint, like those that have been popping up over the last few years: a combo Kum-n-Go/Alexi’s Jerked Beef & Choked Chicken BBQ. Just to see how quickly it would go out of business….
She then had an odd observation. She’s been getting into reading fan-fiction (mostly Trigun and Fatal Frame-related stuff) and has noted that there is a good amount of male-on-male slash-fiction (aka m\m) with varying degrees of slashiness. The odd thing is most of it is written by women.
OK. So my understanding is that while men overall seem to be enthusiastic about lesbian pron, women aren’t that into gay pron (even the ones who are into pron in genital….. errr, general). Meanwhile, women will churn out gay fiction (pron to semi-pron) until the cows come home (or in this case, steers), while men write straight…..
Am I missing something? I mean other than half my brain and one more cup of coffee…?
After some other rambly oddments about Jack Sparrow, Blake’s 7 and the comic relief loving rag on Dr. Who, the evening devolved into making fun of cat butts. It was then that Mrs Sivana decided I needed to go to bed…..
All in all, that was probably the best day I’ve had in some time.
Until Saturday. But that, my fiends, is a tale best left untold.
At least until the statute of limitations is up.....
Odd day last Thursday:
I helped an older black lady (who may have actually been African American. It’s hard to tell; she didn’t say and I didn’t think to ask) find her grandfather or gr-grandfather in the Census Records on Ancestry.com. He was a former slave who was freed when he volunteered to fight for the South.
She was rather embarrassed to mention it, which I understand with the rampant PC-ness that severely needs quashing. It’s nothing to me, ‘cause the way I figure it there were a number of people who were against slavery that fought for the South but for states rights taking precedent over the slavery issue and a number of pro-slavery people that fought for the North because they thought the Fed should take precedent over the State. This was a fellow who saw fighting for the South as being his way out of slavery and I'm supposed to have a problem with that....
Is it better to do the right thing for the wrong reason or to be in the right while you’re doing wrong? Don’t ask me, I’m still digesting the fact that Wash is dead…..
--------------------------------------------------------
Then I lied to two itty-bitties while on the job.
I was helping a kiddie-garder find some horse stories while her younger sister tagged along. The smaller one kept looking at me and finally asked what was on my nose. I eventually figured out she meant the flesh-coloured mole next to my right nostril.
Without thinking about it, I said I was growing another nose.
4 big eyes asked why.
I had a friend who lost his nose in a bad accident and we were cloning another one. Once it gets big enough we're going to the hospital and he'll have an operation to attach it to his face.
What happened to your friend?
Well, there was this skunk involved and it smelt so bad that his nose exploded.
I then tried to let them know I was just storying, but after the older of the two said "That's good because lying is wrong", I'm not sure they understood.
And then they'll tell their folks and will be praised for their imagination....
And the kid's will be thinking "but the librarian said.....".
Destroying our future two children at a time, I am.
--------------------------------------------------------
Read a children’s bio on HA & Margret Rey (Curious George) @ lunch because it was there and an adult bio on the couple doesn’t seem to exist. Short version: they were German Jews who met in Brazil and escape from Paris just a day or two before the Nazis rolled in on bicycles that HA built!! George (under another name) was created before they bugged out, but I think his riding a bike was influenced by the escape. And on top of that, HA had a big yellow hat.
Nazis, hats, exotic locales, narrow escapes with manuscripts…. It was like Indiana Jones without the whip.
--------------------------------------------------------
One lady came up to check out a new edition of Dumbo on dvd, which I didn’t know was out, and I proceeded to spew nonsense:
What? Dumbo! I didn’t know this was out. I’m gonna have to pick this up. The missus is into the “girly” Disney films: Cinderella, Snow White and such, but give me a drunk elephant and a mouse in a tiny band marching band uniform and I’m happy.
--------------------------------------------------------
One of the librarians has vowed to kiss a pig if 3000 kids sign up for the summer reading program @ her branch. I’ve had way too many questions about this event:
How far in advance does one need to book a pig? You never know when there might be a sudden surge in pig rentals and you wouldn’t want to be left in the lurch.
How much does if cost to rent a pig? Is it by the hour or flat rate? Does it fluctuate with hog futures? Do you need to make a deposit? Take out insurance?
How does one locate pig rentals? They're not listed in the phone book. And how to check their references?
Do they have to be bonded or licensed? If so, is there a test, a study guide?
How often are the pigs checked for transmittable diseases?
Since there will also be a dunk tank at the event, would it better to get dunked before or after kissing said pig?
At what point does it change from good, old-fashioned pig-kissin' to bestiality? If the pig struggles (implying an unwillingness to be kissed)? If there's tongue involved? What if it was the pig's tongue? Could the pig then be charged? If the pig is under-aged, could pig-kissing be considered contributing to the delinquency of a minor?
And others I'm likely forgetting...
This day's question was:
Would it be a good idea to try to find some ham-flavored lipstick to make the pig more comfortable?
--------------------------------------------------------
Afterwards, I wondered aloud to Mrs. Sivana (after being somewhat chastised for lying about her Disney preferences in the impromptu Dumbo routine above) why, if we have jerked beef, we don’t have choked chicken? This devolved into an idea to open combo gas-station and fast food joint, like those that have been popping up over the last few years: a combo Kum-n-Go/Alexi’s Jerked Beef & Choked Chicken BBQ. Just to see how quickly it would go out of business….
She then had an odd observation. She’s been getting into reading fan-fiction (mostly Trigun and Fatal Frame-related stuff) and has noted that there is a good amount of male-on-male slash-fiction (aka m\m) with varying degrees of slashiness. The odd thing is most of it is written by women.
OK. So my understanding is that while men overall seem to be enthusiastic about lesbian pron, women aren’t that into gay pron (even the ones who are into pron in genital….. errr, general). Meanwhile, women will churn out gay fiction (pron to semi-pron) until the cows come home (or in this case, steers), while men write straight…..
Am I missing something? I mean other than half my brain and one more cup of coffee…?
After some other rambly oddments about Jack Sparrow, Blake’s 7 and the comic relief loving rag on Dr. Who, the evening devolved into making fun of cat butts. It was then that Mrs Sivana decided I needed to go to bed…..
All in all, that was probably the best day I’ve had in some time.
Until Saturday. But that, my fiends, is a tale best left untold.
At least until the statute of limitations is up.....
# posted by Alexi Sivana : 6:36 AM
